Little leaps of faith

It’s been awhile, y’all! And that’s because we made a fairly quick decision to pursue a job opportunity (for John) and relocate to Charlotte, NC. We’ve been here just 3 weeks now, and we’re loving it. The weather is incredible and our boys just love being outside every day. It seems to be a really good fit for our family.

Moving with children is such a different experience. There are so many supports you need to put into place when you arrive, and quickly. Pediatrician, allergist (in our case), childcare, school and/or activities, etc. It has involved meeting a lot of new people and making quick decisions about our kids’ care. As one who has issues with control (and loves to do thorough research), this has been a bit scary for me.

The hardest thing for any allergy parent, I imagine, is leaving their children in someone else’s care. We expend so much energy on a daily basis keeping our children safe, that it is with great trepidation that we hand them over to a “stranger,” no matter how capable. Last summer, when Tucker first started preschool, my anxiety was so great that I had to start taking anti-anxiety medication. Now, instead of panic attacks, I just get run-of-the-mill worry when I leave them.

That’s where I’m at right now. We’re trying out a drop-in childcare center today so that it will be an option when we need it. I am across the parking lot in Starbucks, trying to stay busy. Not thinking about where the nearest emergency room is, in case they happen to pick up another kid’s animal crackers.

It is faith – little leaps of faith – that I must take to live this life. There is no guarantee. In fact, there is the truth that, of the 3 times my children have needed the EpiPen, 2 of them were when they were in childcare. And yet I still must leave them. I must still take a deep breath, and believe that most of the time, everything will be fine. And when it’s not, we all will survive it.

I’ve done this three times this week. I know that it is worth it to have good help, especially now that we are far from home and family. And I also recognize that my boys are making these little leaps with me. I keep leaving them, and they keep trusting that I am choosing good people to leave them with. And that I will return to care for them in that important way that only I can. But I will be relieved when all this is behind us, and I can breathe a little easier.